Sunday, 13 November 2011

There’s something I haven’t been telling you. Something is different, something has changed. Something dreadful has happened.

It’s the monkey. It’s got lost.

It somehow didn’t make it in the move. I kept telling myself that it would turn up, that it would come swaggering in through the catflap or surprise me in the shower, that I would see a stirring in my sock drawer and a stiffly rising tail, but no, it is gone. It is gone.

How I managed to pack a Yellow Pages from 2006, the reeking duvet of a former housemate, a tin of pease pudding and a small pouch of hair and yet not the monkey, I will never know. The only conclusion I can draw is that it did not want to come and remains in the cellar of my former slum, gibbering softly to itself and making little sooty thumbprints on the walls. My prayers go out to the new tenants.

It was my muse, my god, my disciple and my lover, with its maleficent tail and its jaunty old fez. We had weathered so much together, skipping through my hinterlands paw in paw, prancing through the places it’s unsafe to go alone. Without my monkey, I am bereft. Who will mix my sild martinis and pinch me gently to sleep? Who will chase the Children from my door? Whose little leather fingers will sneak into mine when it’s 3am in my heart and all my glee is gone?

What am I going to do?


  1. Go outside at dusk and whistle softly. Monkey will hear you.

  2. The somnambulists who lurk outside the gates of zoos will tell you where to get a new companion. They will speak with deep conspiracy and make you wait strange hours before coming back with a bundle moving within their coats. The agreement between you two is ironclad and you shan't always get what you ordered but you will find it's exactly what you needed.

  3. listen to the moody blues and cry till dawn.
    i love monkeys. so sad

  4. There's nothing for it. One of you will have to take its place.

    I will be in touch.

  5. I lost a monkey a while ago, but than I gained a spider...wait. Are you living my life?