Thursday, 1 October 2009

A Local Magazine for Local People

Once a month the free magazine drops through the letterbox to brighten my day. It advertises hundreds of local businesses, from lawyers and psychics to dog-groomers and plumbers. There are notifications of jumble sales and art society meetings and a speech at the Methodist Church on ‘Collecting Old Documents’. There’s a reasonably challenging wordsearch. The best bits, though, are the readers’ letters. Only three people ever write to the free magazine – Colin, Ian and Marjorie. I would like to share their letters from this month’s edition, exactly as published.

Dear all

Thank goodness for the door step delivery “My Milkman”. I have always known a milkman from a child in the family home to the present day, 76 years. I always think: - “If I can’t get out and about I can rely on milk, eggs, potatoes etc.” Long may they continue.


Dear Sharon and Mary

Bet the kids had fun and games in the school holidays with the duck pleasing weather. Speaking of games a strange one I recently came across is called Knur and Spell. What is it? Well it’s a game played mostly in Lancashire and West Yorkshire. The Knur is the ½ oz diameter ball the Spell is the trap fixed to the ground. The ball is then released by a trigger and is struck by a player with a wooden hammer or pommel. The longest drive on record is 314 yards.


And Ian, apropos of fuck all, has sent in a long letter all about the eruption of Krakatoa.


  1. Where's your letter to the free magazine?

  2. My thoughts exactly, zxvasdf. It sounds ripe and ready for a takeover and it also sounds like a wonderfully wonderful magazine. What is there email address, I shall contribute a piece or two myself.

  3. please provide me the address of the methodist church. i must attend. paper lust.

  4. Marjorie, Colin and Ian are excellent role models for the youth of today.

    Or maybe they are the youth of today.

    I also think you should contribute, in accord with the house style.

    Or maybe you aleady are.

  5. i think a oversize paperback collection of the letters of marjorie, colin and ian is definitely necessary, at least to me (and the three folks above).

  6. um, whoops, four folks - sorry newjenny

  7. This is fantastic - I love quirks like that. And yes, I smell a monthly publishing opportunity for you :)

  8. Seriously, write them a letter. It's like free advertising. You're going to be a fucking star.

  9. Where have you gone to Sack Posset? Life is exactly 35.6 times more boring without you in it. Your writing is some of the most original and intriguing and wonderful on the whole internet.

  10. I have been away, brooding and brewing, but now I am back.

    More from the Local Magazine coming soon.

  11. Haha, my magic calling has worked again. I mention your name and you appear! I am the shaman of the internet working my evil word potions, hahahahahaha.